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Heaven's Journal

Days Like These Feel the Longest

This winter has been absolutely brutal on our family. It’s quite bizarre because the girls have literally only been sick a handful of times since they were born and have had no more than 2 ear infections each their entire life. There have only been a few weekends since Christmas that none of us have been fighting some type of illness.

Alex and I actually spent Christmas Day in complete misery- sooooooooo that officially went down as the worst Christmas ever.

11 days ago I was diagnosed with pink eye and ironically the day after came down with a horrible virus. So essentially I was fighting pink eye and this virus at the same time while trying to maintain everything else…. house chores, work, kids…. it’s been so much fun.

I could tell Chase was starting to feel under the weather and needless to say since then it has been passed on to the girls. We now have 3 sick kiddos we have been dealing with since Thursday and our 3mo old seems to have the worst of it.

I have been tired, I mean really tired….. but I’m convinced that there is just something inside of us mama’s that enables us to power through it all. I’m impressed as I often find myself with this inner strength I never had as a single person let alone in the early stages of marriage (pre kids).

I remember as a young child often thinking thoughts along the lines of “I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that” when glass would break or something would spill as I watched my parents pick it all up.

Now that single thought comes back to mind every single time I find myself cleaning up spilled milk, Cheerios on the floor, or the mounds of clothes that have been removed from their neat piles in the dresser and strung  all over the bedroom floor.

I have tried working really hard to not get mad during these circumstances with the kids and honestly…. sometimes I fail. But, I have always made a point to acknowledge to my child (despite their age) when I have been wrong and apologize. Spilled milk can always be cleaned and replaced, but my child cannot.

When Brooklyn was born in November 2012  I was a first time mom adjusting to new life with a baby. I was dealing with post partum, baby blues, learning to nurse, learning a new baby schedule, meeting the needs of my child and my husband, and was consistently up through the night. I was so tired.

You know the point of exhaustion where you just cry? Well yes, that was me some of those nights in the first couple weeks.

Just a few weeks after Brooklyn was born the Sandy Hook Massacre happened. Brooklyn was literally 3 weeks old and I clung to her as I watched the news. I wept for weeks over those children and the parents grieving their loss. It was heart breaking.

Here I was up through the night with my child, holding her, kissing her, nursing her, and despite the difficulty that goes with some of those things like exhaustion and engorged boobs… these parents were heartbroken and abruptly left without their child.

I made a single promise to myself that night that I will never forget.

I was so LUCKY to have my baby with me. I was always going to do my best to embrace and be thankful for the difficult moments.

So when I catch myself during times like these- sick days, sleepless nights, on the verge of crying kind of days- I have to remind myself I am so lucky to have my baby’s with me.

The other night Chase was coughing and seemed so sick. I almost packed everything up and rushed him to the urgent care. I was completely exhausted from the previous night and was still managing to get over my illness. Watching him battle this at 3 months is heart breaking. I simply paused and took a short moment just to pray with him and love on him. He has been fighting this cold for 4 days now and won’t go a moment without being held to sleep….. but that’s okay, it will pass.

So if your a mama who is dealing with sick ones, the sleepless nights, temper tantrums, or any other kind of struggle in your mommy hood I want to encourage you to embrace it. Hold your babies and love them deeply. Eventually they won’t always need us in the ways they need us now.

These days feel the longest but I am so lucky to have them.

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